Change is Good

I'm not all that pleased with myself these last few days.

On top of the genteel melancholy of the passing of a truly great man I have been transferred from the Client Relations department to the Information Services department at the law firm of my employ.

My self image is that of a guy who does marketing and communications, with expertise in information technology. A pencil is a tool for drawing, a computer a tool for publishing, a web server is a tool for marketing. That I know how to use a pencil, a computer and a web server are secondary to my self-perception as a man who tells stories for commercial purposes. Code is a means to an end, not the end itself. Plus, I know I'm not all that good at coding, not compared to the other guys in IS. I'm used to being top of the heap skills-wise.

The switch has induced a bit of a funk, one that I have no real right to have. Were I out of work, I would be turning cartwheels to have been given this job. I went from having arguably the best boss in the firm to having arguably the other best boss in the firm.

Part of my bummertude is that the Client Relations department is populated with sunny girls. From the department head to the secretary, every other person is a pleasant, youthful woman with ready smiles and happy disposition. My new colleagues are all nice guys in their own right, but frankly, they just aren't as easy on the eye.

The culture is different, because the creativity is fundamentally different. The analysis to overcome an IS problem is highly cerebral, and far less verbal than solving a marketing problem. This is fairly new territory for me. Although I can analyze and program, it's not really what I do all the time. Most of my programming skills are in service to visual communications, like when I program a Flash thingy. I don't do data manipulation all that often.

However, I'm mostly annoyed with myself because I feel like my funk is related to simple resistance to change. I want to continue in my cushy spot with minimal challenges.

I have become calcified.

This really frustrates me, because I'm usually an evangelist for embracing change, at least for other people. I exhort friends to be flexible, to not limit what they think they can do. If your job sucks, look for another. Be master of your destiny, think positive.

This transfer opens up any number of possibilities, but I'm stuck feeling blue. Of course the biggest optimist of this half of the 20th century went on to his reward this week, shaming me in my case of the dammits. It is irritating to me to have been overtaken by inertia - to not take my own advice.

Well, no sense in wallowing in it. Improvise, adapt, overcome. I just wish I could work up some enthusiasm.

Tim McNabb